Today i am going to be writing about a topic that a lot of people have come to speak to me about privately, it is a delicate matter and at times a lot of us don’t actually recognise that we are in the situations ourselves, the topic that i am going to be discussing today is ‘toxic relationships‘, i am going to be talking about some of the signs and hopefully help some of you who are either in a toxic relationship or if you know anyone that is currently going through something like this, enjoy the read 🙂
Sign number 1
Causing you to feel insecure/damaged during an argument.
It is 100% normal for two people in a relationship to argue, not only that but it’s normal for friends, family and work colleagues to argue too, it’s human nature, but the moment that this becomes twisted and starts to turn toxic is when the other person starts to make you feel insecure and uses your insecurities against you.
A toxic person notices your flaws and weaknesses, during an argument, when you are upset and completely vulnerable they may decide to use this against you and it’s going to work because of the stage that you are already in, you’re going to overthink what they have just said and this is going to have a serious negative effect on your mentality.
Instead of trying to solve the issue that you are both fighting about they look to make the situation worse and they look for ways that they can make you feel as insecure as possible, this may involve an example such as;
If you have both gotten into an argument that involves the other party feeling angry, insecure and jealous instead of trying to sit down and solve the problem they may decide to make you feel insecure by saying that they are going to go out and meet other girls/guys, they are going to tell you things that they are going to do to make you constantly overthink the situation, toxic people don’t look to solve the issue, they look to use your weaknesses against you.
Sign number 2
Everything that you say/do is seen as an attack
It has been a long day and you just maybe want to relax, there is an issue between you and your partner but you don’t want to argue, so you decide to be calm and approach your partner in a civil way..
” babe, i feel this type of way about.. (blah blah), i would appreciate it if we could talk about it”
This is the perfect way to approach anyone about something you are not happy with right? it’s not aggressive but it is serious, this is a great example. The toxic response to this statement is an instant feeling of attack, instead of listening and once again trying to solve the issue, they are going to meet your request with aggression, this is a clear sign..
They make you feel like EVERYTHING is your fault 24/7
Anything that is going wrong in your day, in their day, if the dishwasher is broken, if they drop a plate on the floor, it instantly becomes YOUR fault, you become the blame of everything, they see you as the fault of evil in harsh words.
The thing about being very very close to another human being is that, overtime, with the right words and the right amount of manipulation they can start to really get to you, instead of your partner admitting when they are in the wrong and admitting that they need to change their attitude or themselves as a person they are going to make you feel like your problems are causing them to have problems, they are going to make you feel like anything you do is causing bad things to happen for your partner
And believe me, i hate to say it, but after so many times of hearing it’s your fault” or “everything is always your fault”, as vulnerable humans you are going to start to believe this and of course this is going to have a major affect on your confidence and overtime this is going to most likely worsen.
They start to show you love and attention when you need them
This stage is the stage that the toxic person feels like it is ‘safe’ to approach you, they have managed to break you down to your last layer, you’re feeling vulnerable, insecure, at your low point and you just need someone to lean on and you need someone to listen to you and as humans we can’t help but go back to the one’s that hurt us but at the same time show us love, the toxic person is going to be there for you until your good again and all these signs are going to repeat themselves again.
An example could also be; each time you achieve something that you are proud of it could go either way, your partner is not going to seem interested, they’re going to be thinking about the problems that come with your achievement, for example if it is a job promotion they may say “that means more hours and less time for us” or “you don’t even care about us anymore”, these types of things can leave the other person feeling like they have done something wrong, causing them to see their faults as something as a negative.
These are some key major signs that you may be involved in a toxic relationship or you may know someone that is in a similar situation, if you want to check out a video version of signs of a toxic relationship, you should all check out Matthew Hussey, he has amazing relationship advice and he is a professional in understanding relationships.
It is also important to remember that everyone is the way that they are for a number of different reasons, someone that has become toxic in a relationship may have been in previous relationships that caused them to feel insecure and have many insecurities, they may have taken this baggage with them into their next relationship not realising the damage they are causing, communication is key in any relationship, friendship etc, by communicating you may discover a lot more than expected.
Everyone has insecurities and certain baggage that they are afraid of, but relationships are meant to give you support and love, use your relationship to help heal each other.
I hope that you enjoyed this blog post everyone
Lots of love