I think i am ready to start answering some personal questions, as you know, i have left my social media accounts on show for any of you who may want to contact me about some private things that you are afraid to share to the public, a lot of you have reached out to me and although i am not a professional and i can’t give you all the answers, i can only give you my best advice and that is what i have been doing, a lot of you have gained a lot of help from my advice which i am super happy about! At the end of each of your questions i have started to ask if i can publish them anonymously in case someone else out there may be going through the same situation, i have had 100% permission to post their questions and answer them on my blog post, i hope that this can also help others as well as the person who asked me this…
The email reads:
I have seen your blog post and you seem like a really understanding person, you seem to understand a lot of things and that has given me the confidence to ask you for some personal advice, i am going through some things right now which are seriously effecting me emotionally, i don’t know what to do or how much longer this can go on for.. I have been seeing this guy for the past 1 year, he is amazing, everything that i look for in a guy, he spends time with me and he tells me how much he loves me, every time i try to bring up the conversation about us being together he brushes it off and reassures me that i am the only one he wants.. but i always get messages from other girls telling me he is seeing them, I’ve seen pictures of other girls on his phones, he messages other girls behind my back and when i confront him or leave him he always comes back and begs for me and i take him back but then he just does the same thing over and over again, i know it sounds like i am being stupid.. but i honestly can’t take this, my heart is breaking, what do i do?
I’m just going to jump straight into this.. first of all, i’m so glad that my blogs are starting to reach out to some people, the fact that people feel like they can come to me for advice is amazing and i am more then willing to try and help! :), i am going to break down this email part by part so that you can understand my advice.
- You and this guy have been seeing each other for an entire year, now.. for some people that may not seem like a long time, i get that.. but for you and him to not have established what you both are to each other or what’s acceptable regarding what you’re both comfortable with the other person doing (e.g. dating other people, kissing other people, having sex with other people).. hmm.. something is not smelling right.. here are some things to think about: have you sat down and spoken to him yourself about how you feel? have you told him what you want to happen between you both? have you asked him what he wants to happen between you both? I get that as a female you want him to make the first move and ask you all this, but a lot of guys are oblivious to girls feelings, like females they’re not mind readers, if something is on your mind then COMMUNICATE with him. But on the other hand, it has been an entire year, he tells you that he loves you and i’m sure he acts like he’s with you, so ask yourself what is stopping him? because you haven’t asked him these questions yourself? NU UH, he could be taking advantage of the fact that you’re not saying anything and he is getting away with it, do not allow this to happen, communicate with him
- Hate to break it to you, but i am going to be real for you, i am not saying trust everything another person says to you (don’t get it twisted), but if other girls are telling you that he is sliding into their dm’s and speaking to them but you also have the picture evidence of the other girls.. then maybe you need to think, can you really trust this guy? you’ve seen the evidence for yourself, do you need anymore reassurance? of course he is going to apologies to you, but how many times has he said sorry? is there even an meaning behind his apology anymore?
- COMMUNICATE, speak to him, tell him EXACTLY how you feel, tell him that you’re confused as to why after a year you’re still single and in the dark, why is he receiving those pictures from other girls and why are you being treated like this? of course you’re going to forgive him, you’re in love with him.. but when are you going to start treating yourself right?
- Do you think that the more times you forgive him that suddenly he is going to turn around to you and tell you that he wants to be with you? if he wanted you and wanted a future with you does it take a year to decide? whatever your reasons are for staying with him, i think you know yourself that it is time to let go.. one finger at a time let him go.. let go of his words, of the love, of the memories that you have, i promise you that it is going to hurt and be difficult (oh gosh i completely understand that), but there comes to a time when enough is enough and we need to make certain sacrifices, yes, heartbreak may be the option you have to choose, but this is something you may have to deal with instead of dealing with the pain of being poisoned by the bitterness of being trapped in love with someone who chooses rocks over the diamond that you are. Think about it, at the end of the day do you think you can wait around for someone that is going to tell you to wait for him whilst he lives his life knowing he has you wrapped around his finger, or are you going to let go and let someone who see’s stars in your eyes and constellations on your skin? Maybe he is scared to be with someone like you? you may intimidate him in a great way, but his actions don’t justify this..
The choice is yours, but honestly, you come first and sometimes that means letting goes of the one’s you love, actions speak louder then words.
I really hope this advice helps the person and anyone out there who may be going through the same thing right now..
Lots of love