so this is a topic that A LOT of you have been wanting me to blog about, this is going to be a very broad topic to speak about and it’s important to remember that a lot of the comments i put into here are based on others opinions, you may agree or you may not and that’s great because it just means that this topic can be open for discussion right? There are a lot of different ways that you can look into this, but right now i am going to assume that we are talking about two people who have met for the first time and they’re on their big first important ‘date’, i am also going to discuss what people say about the pay if they have been together for a long period.
I hope that you enjoy reading this blog and be sure to share this and let me know what your views are on this topic …
Imagine you’ve been speaking to someone for a good month or so (maybe less, depending on your speed of things), you are really into this person, they’re funny, they’re beautiful/handsome, they show you all the traits that you like in person, so the time comes and you bravely develop the courage to ask them out on a date (or they ask you), at this moment i’m pretty sure you’re going to be excited and if you’re extremely nervous you’ve probably planned your outfit 4 days before the actual date.. i know a lot of you do this, don’t even try to deny it. So lets skip to the date day, you meet this person everything is going great, you’re out at dinner, making jokes,acting like you’re in some sort of fairy tale movie and then suddenly the night comes to an end.. sweat starts to build, you start getting uncomfortable, you want to make an run for the exit.. THE BILL, ‘who pays?‘ ‘do i offer to split it?‘ ‘does he/she want me to pay?‘ ‘should i say something?‘ ‘should i smile awkwardly?‘ ‘do i look awkward?‘ believe me, this sounds ridiculous but a lot of people get the moment of panic when it comes to the bill, it’s not something you should worry about, there are many different signs that you can read into and from this you should be able to tell how the bill paying is going to work out, lets dive into the comments that i have received and maybe this can help you to over-come the fear of the bill at the end of the evening.
Just to quickly make this clear, i am going to be using the examples of males and females dating but of course you can apply this to your own personal preferences, we are all human beings at the end of the day so it makes no difference.
“The guy is asking for her time, he wants to impress her”
If a guy has initiated the date himself and if he has told her that HE wants to take her out then the girl is going to assume that he is making the plans and that he is going to pay for the bill at the end of the night, some guys may not agree with me here but it’s true, if you tell a girl “let me take you out on a date” for a girl, she is going to be calling her girlfriends and telling them that YOU are taking her out and this now means that the effort is down to you and this also means that you are willing to pay the bill at the end of the night, a lot of females see it like, you have asked for her time therefore they expect you to live up to her expectations and be a man and take the bill, i’m not saying this is the same for every single female (because believe me, there are a lot of independent females out there), but from this comment, you have initiated the date, therefore as a female she is going to have certain expectations in her mind. For future reference if you don’t want to pick up the bill at the end of the night, when asking her out don’t tell her that YOU are taking her out, share the date idea together and make it casual so that she knows there is a chance that she is going to pay her half.
“He should make the gesture to do so”
“It would be nice for the girl to suggest to pay halves on a second date”
So i have decided to put these two comments together as i feel like they relate, let me get one thing straight with you all, in society everyone has an expectation of the different roles that the genders play, it doesn’t matter how much you dislike it or don’t agree society is going to have those certain expectations, females are expected to stay at home and raise the babies, cook, clean etc and males are expected to go out there, earn money, be the man/ protector and ‘bring home the bacon’, so how does this relate to the comments Beth? ‘he should make the gesture to do so‘ it’s expected that because he is a man he should always make the gesture to pay the bill, a lot of people see this as the man showing the woman that he is going to be able to provide for her and that he is financially secure or comfortable with spending his money, i am not saying this is right but females expect the man to at least offer instead of assuming she is going to split the bill “let me get this for you baby” shows the society’s view of the male provider.
The next part, after the first date you are going to decide weather this person meets up to your expectations in person as well as over the phone, if they do then there is an 100% chance that you are going to want to see them again, this comment suggests that the female should at least offer to pay half on the next date, this seems like a fair thing to do, she should at least offer to pay halves, it’s important to remember that men are not money bags, they have to do something to earn that money and especially if you are both still young he is not going to be rolling in money and have all the cash in the world to take you out to eat all the time, if you as a female offer to grab the bill on the second date or go halves then for a lot of guys this can be seen as attractive, you are showing him that you don’t mind being spoilt and spending time with him but you are also showing him that you appreciate him and that you are independent and able to take care of yourself, of course if he completely denys you to do this then maybe he is just trying to show you that he is manly, the thing about relationships or dates is that everything should be 50/50, just because of the gender it doesn’t mean one person should be doing more than the other, if he buys the cinema tickets, go and buy the snacks, that’s 50/50, you are showing each other that you are both independent and willing to make the effort.
“If me and her have been together for a long time, i expect her to sometimes pay her share”
So this scenario is if you and your partner have been together for a long time, it’s important to not confuse this with effort, just because you are now expected to pay your fair share it doesn’t mean that the other person thinks any less of you, it just means that you have been together for so long that it’s only fair that you both put the fair share of effort in, remember relationships are a 50/50 situation, however if the other person is always expecting you to pay and they use the excuse that you have been together long enough as the reason why they expect you to pay all the time then you need to communicate with this individual and discuss how you feel about their comment, it’s nice to treat your date/partner and it’s nice to be treated (of course), but you need to learn to not take advantage of this, it could leave you single or leave the other person disliking you in the long term.
As i was reading through my comments and answers to this topic, a lot of people had been sending me the same video and explaining how this explains perfectly the answer to this topic, i am going to link the video down below, in all honesty i completely agree with this video and what the guy said, you should all definitely check this who should pay on the first date
If you’re on a date and you don’t offer to pay you were not raised right, if he doesn’t offer to pay he wasn’t raised right, it’s the same principle for both sides, society may have views on the different roles we have, but in certain situations like this you have to put aside those views and not just think about yourself. If you are broke and you have no money but you don’t want to tell your date this, then think of something that is cheap and something that doesn’t involve splashing your cash, there are SO many things that you can do, remember that money doesn’t grow on trees and every date/relationship should be 50/50.
Lots of love